A humorous poem inspired by my experiences in Florida and recorded for a live Floridian audience! I hope it brings you a chuckle today. Love Lucy x
Life is an adventure! A journey full of fun!Of course, some days are drenched in rain, but some are blessed with sun!
Yes, life is for the living and filled with highs and lows.
One low that I’ve discovered—I’m a magnet for mosquitoes!
I know I sound dramatic, but it’s really out of hand.
My holidays are marred before the plane comes in to land!
As tires barely touch the ground, already I’ve been stricken,
The doors aren’t even open, Me: “I think I just got bitten.”
It really makes no difference how many sprays I use.
If even one mosquito lives, then I’m the one they’ll choose!
I think they lie in wait for me with baited expectations.
They’ve heard the stories passed down through the mozzie generations.
They tell their tales of legend and sing their songs of lore,
They search the scrolls created by the ones who came before.
Regaling in their whispered tones, they gather round and mutter,
“Her milky skin is soft, like unrefrigerated butter.”
Assembling in their masses to sing their campfire song,
“Drink the blood within her veins and live for thrice as long!
Her blood is like elixir, a nectar sent from heaven.
Instead of living two days, you could live six or seven!
Should you live to see her, then mozzies, drink away!
You’ll find that you cannot resist fresh meat that’s on display!”
This insect-based devotion is really not invited.
I cannot stress enough, their love for me is unrequited.
In Scotland they’re called “midgies”; they really drive me mad.
In swarms they rise up from the lochs; their bites are just as bad.
Attacking you in clans and clouds, they’re terrors through and through.
A bit like mozzies in a kilt, and yes, they love me too.
But when I come to Florida, I’m seeking relaxation!
The last thing that I need is a mosquito infestation!
They treat me like a buffet! Mosquito “All-you-can-eat!”
Fine dining with a three-course meal on ankles and on feet.
I’m by the pool, then feel that dreaded tickle on my skin,
Tranquillity is shattered as I’m slapping every limb!
With unashaméd confidence, they boldly quench their thirst!
It isn’t just the mozzies though, “no-see-ums” are the worst!
I hate those tiny idiots, those nasty little weasels.
They leave me looking like I’ve had a bout of German measles.
Livid spots of poison’s not what anybody seeks,
Bites that itch and burn for days and marks that last for weeks!
They’re drawn to me emphatically with sheer determination.
These microscopic morons have a weird infatuation.
Their love for me IS personal; they really are obsessed.
Apparently within their world, my blood is just the best.
They surge for me each day; if I were steak, I would be prime.
While Hubby’s left in perfect peace, he’s absolutely fine!
I stare at him in disbelief. “Why don’t they go to you?!
He won’t have a single bite while I’ve got fifty-two!
Please don’t misunderstand me; I don’t want him to suffer.
I just think we should share the load and help out one another!
It seems a tad ridiculous I get all the attention.
It’s not too much to ask that some should go in his direction!
But ‘fore they launch their greedy plight and drive me to distraction,
They ought to know their death will bring me wondrous satisfaction!
For should I catch them in the act, revenge is what I’ll seek.
I’ll launch my own attack and slap that beast into next week.
That tiny, toothy gremlin will truly rue the day
It tried to make a meal of me, so it should keep away!
They’re really detrimental to body, mind, and health.
I wish they’d keep their heathen teeth completely to themself!
“You’ve got a bite?” the locals ask. “It’s not even the season.”
The one surviving mozzie will come find me without reason.
“But don’t those things come out at night? In day they leave you be.”
It matters not; it seems they all get out of bed for me.
Day or night, rain or shine, their houndings never cease!
Oh, how I wish those brutes would let me holiday in peace.
And yet, I still love Florida and know that in the end,
I will return to mozzie shores and feed them all again!