During the summer and autumn of 2017 I had an influx of
auditions come rushing in over the course of a few days. I was learning
so much material and adopting such a vast array of characters that I
almost felt like I should be appearing on an episode of the old TV
programme “Stars In Their Eyes”!
In case you’re unfamiliar with this particular series, “Stars In Their Eyes” lit up British TV screens every Saturday night throughout the 90’s and even ran until 2015. Matthew Kelly was the presenter during the years of my childhood, and the premise of the show was that would-be impersonators would take to the stage to compete and sing in the style of a famous singer of their choice.
Every episode saw presenter Matthew Kelly chatting to the hopeful contenders before finally saying to each one, “Tell us who you’re going to be!” This statement would then be met with the very famous line of “Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be…” before the singers would declare their chosen celebrities’ names such as “Diana Ross!” or “Freddie Mercury!” At this point, the singer would disappear behind a smoky set of doors; the doors would close and then reopen, instantly revealing their seemingly timeless transformation into their chosen singer’s recognisable look!
This programme came to my mind throughout the audition process of 2017, as I had been disappearing behind so many closed doors and then reappearing looking like an entirely different person on such a regular basis! I felt like the famous line of “Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be…” wouldn’t have been out of place for me at this point! I had been remarking to my husband one day in the midst of it all that it would be good to write a poem about all the different characters I was auditioning for. The idea remained just a thought for several months, however, as I went off on tour with a show not long after this.
When the tour finished and I returned to London, a friend recommended I join a group which is a community of Christians within the creative industry. The team consists of all different kinds of creative types, from performers like myself to musicians, writers, directors, stage technicians and the like. It’s a really great collection of people who meet up every couple of weeks to chat over coffee, encourage one another and pray for each other’s needs. In a tough city like London and a brutal industry like performing arts, I think a network such as this is a wonderful connection to have. Talking with like-minded people and sharing in each other’s successes and struggles can be so rewarding and refreshing.
It was during my first meeting with some of the gang that one of the hosts asked me if I had ever written a poem about being a Christian performer. I replied that sadly I hadn’t, but as I went home that day, I started thinking about the idea that had taken root from all the auditions in 2017. It wasn’t long until I began to compose “Identity Crisis” and had a lot of fun writing it!
Every anecdote that appears in this poem is genuinely something I’ve experienced as a performer, and is meant to offer a humorous insight into the realities of the world of performing arts.
I also hope and pray that it can really encourage other Christians, not only in my chosen industry but in any realm of life.
The challenges faced relating to identity, self-esteem, value and worth aren’t exclusive to creative types; anyone can struggle with this. I hope these words can really point to the truth that Jesus never wants us to feel inadequate. I pray they can encourage us all to focus on our First Love and to know the sweetness of His presence and power as we walk in the glorious light of His love for us. This alone will bring us into the joy and fullness that only Jesus can bring into the human heart.
The life of a performer – what wondrous joys there are! In case you’re unfamiliar with this particular series, “Stars In Their Eyes” lit up British TV screens every Saturday night throughout the 90’s and even ran until 2015. Matthew Kelly was the presenter during the years of my childhood, and the premise of the show was that would-be impersonators would take to the stage to compete and sing in the style of a famous singer of their choice.
Every episode saw presenter Matthew Kelly chatting to the hopeful contenders before finally saying to each one, “Tell us who you’re going to be!” This statement would then be met with the very famous line of “Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be…” before the singers would declare their chosen celebrities’ names such as “Diana Ross!” or “Freddie Mercury!” At this point, the singer would disappear behind a smoky set of doors; the doors would close and then reopen, instantly revealing their seemingly timeless transformation into their chosen singer’s recognisable look!
This programme came to my mind throughout the audition process of 2017, as I had been disappearing behind so many closed doors and then reappearing looking like an entirely different person on such a regular basis! I felt like the famous line of “Tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be…” wouldn’t have been out of place for me at this point! I had been remarking to my husband one day in the midst of it all that it would be good to write a poem about all the different characters I was auditioning for. The idea remained just a thought for several months, however, as I went off on tour with a show not long after this.
When the tour finished and I returned to London, a friend recommended I join a group which is a community of Christians within the creative industry. The team consists of all different kinds of creative types, from performers like myself to musicians, writers, directors, stage technicians and the like. It’s a really great collection of people who meet up every couple of weeks to chat over coffee, encourage one another and pray for each other’s needs. In a tough city like London and a brutal industry like performing arts, I think a network such as this is a wonderful connection to have. Talking with like-minded people and sharing in each other’s successes and struggles can be so rewarding and refreshing.
It was during my first meeting with some of the gang that one of the hosts asked me if I had ever written a poem about being a Christian performer. I replied that sadly I hadn’t, but as I went home that day, I started thinking about the idea that had taken root from all the auditions in 2017. It wasn’t long until I began to compose “Identity Crisis” and had a lot of fun writing it!
Every anecdote that appears in this poem is genuinely something I’ve experienced as a performer, and is meant to offer a humorous insight into the realities of the world of performing arts.
I also hope and pray that it can really encourage other Christians, not only in my chosen industry but in any realm of life.
The challenges faced relating to identity, self-esteem, value and worth aren’t exclusive to creative types; anyone can struggle with this. I hope these words can really point to the truth that Jesus never wants us to feel inadequate. I pray they can encourage us all to focus on our First Love and to know the sweetness of His presence and power as we walk in the glorious light of His love for us. This alone will bring us into the joy and fullness that only Jesus can bring into the human heart.
Ranging from the fabulous to really quite bizarre!
To find yourself within a show, of course – the main objection,
While putting on your thickest skin to deal with the rejection!
But even when you’ve found success and been within a cast,
Unemployment always looms, for contracts never last.
One week you’re starring centre stage, then find that all too soon
You’re jumping through the hoops again in each audition room!
All comfort and security have met their bitter end.
You step up to the plate and need to prove yourself again.
I too have had to bid farewell to nightly acclamation
While bringing my portfolio back out of hibernation.
Dusting off my repertoire, I look to the unknown,
And pray I see my agent’s name appear upon my phone!
With weeks of no auditions and my prospects looking grim,
I praise the Lord when suddenly they all come flooding in!
And so begins the challenge that all actors must endure;
Try your best to fit the bill, no matter how obscure!
Before I know, I’m on my way, audition bag in hand,
And pray my vocal cords achieve whatever notes they’ve planned!
Of course, the first endurance test to face in my vocation
Is travelling on London tubes and finding the location!
With cancelled trains and bus detours, travel is a pain.
Ensuring I’m on time, I get “the train before the train!”
Arriving with straight hair before the wind and rain could spoil it,
I shuffle to my “changing room”, aka...the toilet.
Though some may think it glamorous and envy my career,
The truth is, every job I’ve had has always started here!
And so I find I’m perched again upon a lidded seat
While placing loo roll down to keep the germs off of my feet.
Assuming toilet bugs are over all that I can see,
I get “audition ready” and ignore my OCD.
They’re looking for a mezzo and a slight “Dickensian theme”.
So I exit from the toilet like an 1860s dream!
Before I know, it’s time to shake off all my fear and doubt;
My name’s been called, so off I go to sing my poor heart out!
No time to think of how it went, I find I’m off again.
This time it’s for an advert, and the breakdown says “Look plain.”
Forsaking all my lip gloss and ignoring facial shimmer,
I head to the audition room without a hint of glitter.
Next day I have a vocal call, so battle through a market.
Then find, to my alarm, the room is lined with cushioned carpet!
Carpet, heels and nerves all soon combine to my dismay
As I realise acoustics will be absent for today!
Another breakdown comes, and so I travel through the city
And hope I’ve hit the balance of “nice face but not too pretty.”
Next is “gym instructor, trim physique, who’s #winning.”
I rake through every drawer to get the top I find most slimming!
Next I’m told to learn a song and bring a “Rock Chick” status.
I start to rake through belts and clothes; this needs some apparatus!
Digging through my wardrobe for something not too raucous,
Concerned I’ll delve so deep I’ll end up meeting Mr Tumnus!
Back inside a toilet with another script and score,
I’m pulling on my tights while trying not to touch the floor.
I slightly lose my balance, so I grab the radiator,
Then come to the conclusion that I’ll bleach that foot off later.
But if you want to know what makes me really come unstuck,
It’s every singer’s fear; I wake to find my glands are up!
Doing all I can do to restore my dulcet tones,
I’m rescued by my steam pot and a box of vocal zones.
I’m up for understudy for “A woman past her prime,
Who hasn’t seen the light of day for really quite some time.”
If pastiness is what they want, I know I’ll fit right in.
I’ll scrub away the tan and utilise my Scottish skin!
I’m whiter than a ghost; “au naturel” is how I’ll go.
No fake tan today; I’ll blind them all with skin of snow!
But next I’m up for “Woman with exotic look”, they say.
In quite the turnaround, tonight I’ll bathe in St Tropez!
Oh yes, performing arts can really leave you in a spin!
So many different parts to play and moulds you must fit in.
“Fifties’ Icon”, “Panto Fairy”, then “Generic Mother”.
I go with one identity emerging as another!
Memorising scores and scripts can set you in a whirl.
I change so many times I almost feel like Supergirl!
It doesn’t seem to matter what shows I’ve done before,
Each time I must convince them I’m “The One” they’re looking for!
The challenge of auditions is a mix of fear and hope.
A tricky act of balancing and walking a tightrope!
But then there comes the moment that makes it worth it all;
The thing that every actor loves is when we get “The Call!”
The call to say the job is ours and we have won the part,
And then begins the countdown to when rehearsals start!
But going through this process gives me cause for some reflection,
For value isn’t based in man’s acceptance or rejection.
At times I need reminding, though, this really is the case,
For personal rejection is a brutal thing to face!
Bitter disappointment comes pursuing any dream,
And leaves us feeling low and quite devoid of self-esteem.
Society will tell us that to be of any worth,
We must achieve some prominence or fame throughout the Earth.
Wealth and great possessions mean we’re “shining like a star”
And levels of approval show how “valuable” we are.
But healthy self-esteem comes not from worldly acclamation,
It doesn’t lie in man’s applause or gushing admiration.
I realise my worth will not be found on my CV.
My self-esteem and value lie in Jesus’ love for me.
The love that drove Him to the Cross to pay my debt in full!
The love that says my value supersedes the finest jewel.
The love that never wavers even when I know I’m failing.
The love I can rely upon, that’s constant and unchanging.
Dwelling on these promises sets me free from strife.
My status as a child of God gives purpose to my life.
It’s not about my talents or what I have achieved,
But rather it’s about the One in whom I have believed!
Focusing on Jesus means whatever my position,
I’m free to use my skills for God and not my own ambition!
Knowing my Creator is the Author of my story
Brings joy into my heart to know my days will bring Him glory!
This blesses me beyond compare and brings my spirit rest,
Confident my Saviour’s plan is always what is best.
So even on the days so full of sorrow and oppression,
My soul finds peace in knowing I am still His prized possession.
A crisis of identity need never play a part;
The true and living God has put His stamp upon my heart!
To know that I am cherished brings me great security.
I’ll aim to be the woman God intended me to be.
Seeking out His purposes for which I was designed,
Leaving insecurity and every doubt behind.
Safe within the knowledge that whatever job I’m in,
I know exactly who I am. I’m daughter of the King!
Ephesians 2:10
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”
Psalm 139:14
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvellous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”
1 John 3:1
“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.”
1 John 4:19
“We love Him because He first loved us.”
1 Peter 2:9
“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvellous light.”
Romans 12:4-8
“For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.”
Matthew 11:28
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding.”
Philippians 4:13
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
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